Who shrunk the linen closet?

At the top of the stairs in my house growing up was a linen closet. A 2' x 3' space where, among other things, my Snow White blanket and My Little Pony sheets were kept. This closet was a very important place for me, it was my sanctuary from the emotional hurricane that enveloped my home. When things got especially bad and I had been banned from the neighbors house for whatever reason, usually because one of my art projects had made it's way onto the carpet or drapes, I hid in the closet. I could still hear the screams of my parents coming from downstairs, sometimes right outside the door of my cave. My mother threatening to pack her bags and leave and my dad telling her to keep it down because the Broncos were playing. And there I hid, sometimes for hours at a time, rubbing my hand on the corner of the satin binding of my Snow White blanket and wishing my sister would come home already from her stupid boyfriend's house. Then I could hide in her room and we could listen to Cyndi Lauper on her record player and pretend we couldn't hear the threats of murder and divorce coming from downstairs.

Instead of a linen closet at the Glen Iris Becky and I have a body closet in our room. It is scary and dark and has spiders and does not afford a comfortable place for me to avoid conflict and run away from my problems and the screaming that has on occasion been known to happen. We call it the body closet because we surmise that that is the only thing it is good for had we ever any need to hide any bodies. But I am 26 years old and a grown ass woman and shouldn't have any occasion to hide in linen closets anymore should I? I have this book on my shelf in my rather large self help section called Play to Win: Choosing Growth Over Fear in Work and in Life. I realized today as I was lying curled up on my bed clinging to Babar and eyeing the body closet that I have been choosing fear a lot lately in life. I especially choose fear when it comes to confrontation and conflict with people that I love the most. I have a tendency to stuff things down and let them affect the choices that I make. One of my mentors once told me that when we let our fears overtake us they begin to make our decisions for us to. Decisions like the person we will marry, the kind of neighborhood we live in, the school that our children will attend. The depth and honesty of the friendships we have. Jesus tells us to not fear anyone that can harm the body but cannot harm the soul. The soul is what is most important. And no one can steal my soul.

My friend Robbie once told me that when it comes to life we should set our eyes not on things temporary but on things eternal. Don't worry so much about the fact that the lady at the DMV was mean to you, think about the fact that the lady at the DMV could be one step away from losing her soul. Those are the only things that we should be worrying about. But that is not why I want to hide in the closet tonight. Perhaps I should rethink my illegitimate fears. And man-up and spend my energy on the real problems in the world. Like the fact the today a whole football stadium full of people starved to death. Or that little Bernadene's mom is pregnant and doing drugs. Or that tomorrow Priscilla may not have enough food to feed her house full of orphans. But then again, does God need my help fixing all the world's problems? I think He's big enough to take care of it all. So I will give all my worries to the one who gives me peace and sustains me, and not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will have cares of its own. I will be available to be God's hands and feet and mend anything that He will give me the strength to.